Discussions

Today is? July 10. My phone’s time is 1:14 in the morning yet it’s not real. I think, it’s just a few minutes past 12 midnight.

What are the conversations that I had today?

• Anime
• Love life
• Audi

What anime did I pick up? I had a doze of Eden of the East. It’s a WOW. I’ll rate it 10/10. I want you to watch it too. ROFL.

Next is Audi – My friend and I, actually I call her “kambal” (and for those who don’t know what kambal means, it is “twin”).

I decided not to do it according to the way I arranged it since Audi coincides with the topic love life.

Now what do we have? We both have problems with our… girlfriends online. You know, we rarely meet the people we love. We don’t and haven’t met them IRL but they already know who we really are. We are posers and we played upon them. We played the game that we shouldn’t have let ourselves play. We’ve fooled them, and fell in our own little scheme. Yes, we fell in love, is all. Nothing that interesting, yeah? But for us, it is. Our problems are really the same. We doubt our partners. In my own opinion, the one who doubts the most here is my kambal. About me, I’ve erased every little doubt I have and I’m starting to trust her back. That’s what is happening now. I’m at my feet trying to rationalize my satisfaction and deprive myself into something that will befall into me sooner or later, or let’s just say that’s how I call jealousy. As for my kambal, she’s totally not herself now. Not herself because she’s hiding in the shadows. She’s afraid of getting hurt. She doesn’t know if her partner loves her back.

Time flies by so smoothly as we talked and I remembered my very first encounter with my girlfriend as I told her the truth behind my white lies. I am a woman, not a man. I fell in love with her and without a doubt, kept reality out of reach. I remembered the moment when she told me this: I love you for what you are not because you’re Travis, but you are who you are behind that Travis and both of you are the same. That’s how it came to be.

Remembering those times makes me feel like smiling. Although the hurt, the pain, and the bad memories were saved, I couldn’t believe that until now she still accepts the fact that I’m her lover, and that she loves me for what I am. Impossible yet real. Something unforgettable is being forged through later experiences and how love came to develop, man never can try to explain.

Doubt comes later. You won’t see it coming. Everyone doubts the other and yet I can’t find myself reasoning with doubt. Doubts come just because I think negatively and run away from the truth. I am here waiting for an answer and yet the answer is facing in front of me telling me to read wide and understand every concept that life teaches me.

Oh well, seems like problems do run a longer road than happiness.

Oh, I will always remember this:

‘I’ll never let you go even if you wanted to.”

That phrase never fails to make me smile.